I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
