I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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