Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
