If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
