If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
