Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
