oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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