at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Randomize
