were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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