considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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