You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
