do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
