dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
