I want to make a zoo with you.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
