Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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