I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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