As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
