We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
