OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
