I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
