this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
