She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Randomize
