Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
