im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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