I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
