remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize