nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
