cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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