She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
God, you're like boner-b-gone
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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