Define "chronic" masturbator.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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