do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
