Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
