So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
