I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
