so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
