i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
