I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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