I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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