I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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