When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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