weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
