After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
only you would photoshop your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize