it hurts more in the daytime
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
there is puke in my bra ... again
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