I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
