she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
