I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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