Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
