Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
