Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
