Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
