How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
