overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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