Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
