My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
