Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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