Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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