Quick, to the slutcave!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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