a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It was a blind-side dick pic.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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