This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
