and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
