I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
