god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize