I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
