You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
