the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
