i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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