thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize