only if we run a train.
done.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
