Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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