he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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