The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
