Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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