I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
the liver wants what the liver wants
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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