Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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