I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
