PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
