that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
