turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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