I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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