Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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