I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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