You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
