Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
