It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
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This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
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I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
A+ Viking dick
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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