Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
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At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
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I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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