so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
