She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
