so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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