I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
